Bite Me

The search for gluten free bread or the making of WMD’s (weapons of minor destruction)

The truth is I’m intolerant. No not of everything, merely wheat. I’d love to say I’ve adjusted to a wheat free life but I cannot. I miss bread more than anything else, I could happily live without cake, biscuits and pasta, but life without a crumb of the good stuff is quite depressing.

Before I am bombarded with comments about wheat free substitutes readily available in most supermarkets, I have tried many of these alternatives but find they lack either or both the taste and texture of the real thing not to mention they are expensive.

My current mission then has become one of making my own bread starting with basic white rolls, first using some of the packet mixes one can buy that usually require addition of an egg and water. Once mixed the resulting paste resembling white plaster should have alerted me to impending disaster. If not feeling doomed at this point I continued, hoping that the mix would firm up somewhat when proving. I was proved wrong, my dough failed to thrive as no rising occurred, the mix just got stickier so I spooned it into the tins, shoved it in the oven and hoped for the best.

The smell from the oven was heavenly and bread-like enough to induce salivation. A knife and butter awaited the emergence from the oven and I paced around like an expectant parent awaiting the birth of their first-born. 

Hurrah forty minutes later I had my prize, tapping the underside of the rolls they sounded hollow, I felt this was a good omen. I plunged the knife into the warm dough, the  texture seemed good and it smelt wonderful. Butter slathered, I sunk my teeth in. It’s not polite to groan, eat and wretch simultaneously but such was my disappointment I succeeded. It would be wrong to say there was no flavour but what there was wasn’t nice, like eating industrial grade sponge used to stuff sofas. Texturally, when warm it was pretty much as bread should be. When cold it became an entirely different entity, with a crust so firm it could not be crushed with a fist. I hate food waste but I feel putting this out for young birds would inhibit their ability to fly and ducks may sink to the bottom of ponds following ingestion.





Here ends my first serious attempt at gluten free bread cookery. I’ve been sent another recipe from a friend, I have some more unusual ingredients to buy before I try it but be sure, whether a success or failure, you’ll be first to know.